Affirmations for an Anxious Attachment Style

You fear losing them so much that it hurts, you can’t stop thinking about them, you’re always wondering what they’re doing when they’re not around; sound familiar?

This is probably a sign that you have an anxious attachment style which can be extremely mentally taxing whether you’re dating or in a committed relationship. 

Using affirmations is a powerful way to shift the subconscious chatter in your mind that triggers your anxiety. Using this method consistently can lead to more happy, secure and fulfilling relationships. 

    What is an Anxious Attachment Style?

    There are 4 primary attachment styles; secure, avoidant, fearful-avoidant and anxious. The anxious attachment style is generally characterized by a deep fear that you will be abandoned. It’s deeply rooted in anxiety, insecurity and a desperate desire to be wanted. 

    This attachment style is developed in early childhood based on how your needs were met by your primary caregiver. This determines how worthy you feel of being loved and cared for as an adult. People with an anxious attachment style generally come from a home where they were desperate for attention and connection. Though their parents may have been loving, they were also unpredictable, insensitive, inattentive or failed to meet their need for security. 

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    Signs of an Anxious Attachment Style

    There are many signs of an anxious attachment style which generally manifest from deep insecurity. These can include

    • Fear of abandonment
    • Dependance on a partner
    • Fear of being alone  
    • Lack of trust
    • Obsessive behaviour 
    • Jealousy
    • Clinginess

    Anxious Attachment Style Triggers 

    Lots of things might trigger you as an anxiously attached person. From subtle nuances in conversation to reading too much into a text or feeling ignored. Generally, your mind is working on overdrive trying to protect itself from anything that might threaten your relationship.

    As an anxiously attached person you can feel triggered:  

    • When they don’t message or call you back
    • When they form relationships with new people
    • When they act inconsistently 
    • When they don’t validate your feelings
    • Feeling like you’re being avoided 
    • When you perceive them to be emotionally or physically distant 
    • When they need alone time

    How Affirmations Help

    Using positive affirmations is a powerful way to influence your subconscious mind. You think around 90% of the same subconscious thoughts everyday; this is your brain’s version of auto-pilot. When you’re used to being anxious and obsessive over relationships then your brain is going to continuously feed you messaging to confirm these anxieties and insecurities. 

    Your subconscious messaging, beliefs and assumptions have been deeply ingrained in you since your childhood. When you become more aware of this, you can actively work to reprogram your thoughts. Coupling affirmations with other practices like breathwork, shadow work and journalling can also help to unearth and identify any subconscious programming that has led to your anxious attachment style.

    When you repeat positive affirmations you’re feeding the brain new information and creating new neural pathways that will help you to shift your programming. This leads to more positive and less anxious daily thoughts.

    Tips For Your Affirmations 

    • Use the below affirmations as prompts but change them a little to feel authentic to the way that you speak 
    • When you say your affirmation, try to connect yourself emotionally to the words - how would it feel if it were true? Try to feel it
    • Try to be really present as you practice your affirmations - take some time when you can be alone without any distractions
    • Recite them for 30 days - this is how long it takes to create new neural pathways

    Affirmations for an Anxious Attachment Style

    These anxious attachment style affirmations are all a little different and will resonate with people who are in relationships, single, dating or in situationships. Choose 5 of the affirmations below that resonate most with you and repeat them 5 times each:

    1. My feelings are valid 
    2. I am worthy of being loved and desired
    3. I love hard but I focus my energy on my personal goals 
    4. I don’t like the way [name] makes me feel and I’m moving on to something better
    5. If it doesn’t feel good to me, it doesn’t serve me - thank you, next
    6. I know that [name] loves and desires me
    7. I know that [name] will always be there for me and I deserve that love
    8. It’s completely healthy that I depend on my partner 
    9. I know that [name] supports me and is there for me
    10. I deserve to have all of my needs met 
    11. I am unique and powerful in the way that I love
    12. I feel secure in my relationship because I know [name] loves and desires me
    13. I only accept love that serves me 
    14. I am a strong, independent, bad ass [b*tch] who is happy on my own
    15. I will accept nothing less than respect and love
    16. If this doesn't work out I am going to thrive
    17. I will be happy no matter what happens in this relationship
    18. I voice my opinion in a healthy whenever I need to 
    19. I know that I’ll be happier if I leave this situation, I know I can find someone who fulfills me 
    20. I deserve happiness and love
    21. I embrace change and growth with [name]
    22. I can pursue separate and exciting things without [name] and feel fulfilled
    23. I love to see [name] and I grow together
    24. I have everything that I need right now
    25. I am everything that I need
    26. I only accept love that is given to me fully 
    27. I communicate my feelings in a healthy way
    28. I am independent, confident and have everything that I need

    Final Thoughts

    Practicing affirmations to overcome your anxious attachment style is a powerful way to heal and strengthen your relationships. By feeding the subconscious mind new messaging you're creating new neural pathways. Try to practice your chosen affirmations for at least 30 days to see results. When you suffer from this kind of anxiety you can place a lot of pressure on yourself and your relationship; please be kind to yourself and understand that your feelings are valid and that you're not alone.

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    Author Bio

    Just a journalist who fell into spiritual practice by accident. I wanted to share the lessons I've learnt in a cool place and write in a way that appeals to all generations. I cover all things spirituality with a special interest in pop culture trends.