Affirmations for an Anxious Attachment Style

You fear losing them so much that it hurts, you can’t stop thinking about them, you’re always wondering what they’re doing when they’re not around; sound familiar?

This is probably a sign that you have an anxious attachment style which can be extremely mentally taxing whether you’re dating or in a committed relationship. 

Using affirmations is a powerful way to shift the subconscious chatter in your mind that triggers your anxiety. Using this method consistently can lead to more happy, secure and fulfilling relationships. 

If you'd like to try to heal your anxious attachment style you can try the the full self therapy journal here.

    What is an Anxious Attachment Style?

    There are 4 primary attachment styles; secure, avoidant, fearful-avoidant and anxious. The anxious attachment style is generally characterized by a deep fear that you will be abandoned. It’s deeply rooted in anxiety, insecurity and a desperate desire to be wanted. 

    This attachment style is developed in early childhood based on how your needs were met by your primary caregiver. This determines how worthy you feel of being loved and cared for as an adult. People with an anxious attachment style generally come from a home where they were desperate for attention and connection. Though their parents may have been loving, they were also unpredictable, insensitive, inattentive or failed to meet their need for security. 

    Signs of an Anxious Attachment Style

    There are many signs of an anxious attachment style which generally manifest from deep insecurity. These can include

    • Fear of abandonment
    • Dependance on a partner
    • Fear of being alone  
    • Lack of trust
    • Obsessive behaviour 
    • Jealousy
    • Clinginess

    Anxious Attachment Style Triggers 

    Lots of things might trigger you as an anxiously attached person. From subtle nuances in conversation to reading too much into a text or feeling ignored. Generally, your mind is working on overdrive trying to protect itself from anything that might threaten your relationship.

    As an anxiously attached person you can feel triggered:  

    • When they don’t message or call you back
    • When they form relationships with new people
    • When they act inconsistently 
    • When they don’t validate your feelings
    • Feeling like you’re being avoided 
    • When you perceive them to be emotionally or physically distant 
    • When they need alone time

    How Affirmations Help

    Using positive affirmations is a powerful way to influence your subconscious mind. You think around 90% of the same subconscious thoughts everyday; this is your brain’s version of auto-pilot. When you’re used to being anxious and obsessive over relationships then your brain is going to continuously feed you messaging to confirm these anxieties and insecurities. 

    Your subconscious messaging, beliefs and assumptions have been deeply ingrained in you since your childhood. When you become more aware of this, you can actively work to reprogram your thoughts. Coupling affirmations with other practices like breathwork, shadow work and journalling can also help to unearth and identify any subconscious programming that has led to your anxious attachment style.

    When you repeat positive affirmations you’re feeding the brain new information and creating new neural pathways that will help you to shift your programming. This leads to more positive and less anxious daily thoughts.

    Tips For Your Affirmations 

    • Use the below affirmations as prompts but change them a little to feel authentic to the way that you speak 
    • When you say your affirmation, try to connect yourself emotionally to the words - how would it feel if it were true? Try to feel it
    • Try to be really present as you practice your affirmations - take some time when you can be alone without any distractions
    • Recite them for 30 days - this is how long it takes to create new neural pathways

    Affirmations for an Anxious Attachment Style

    These anxious attachment style affirmations are all a little different and will resonate with people who are in relationships, single, dating or in situationships. Choose 5 of the affirmations below that resonate most with you and repeat them 5 times each:

    1. My feelings are valid 
    2. I am worthy of being loved and desired
    3. I love hard but I focus my energy on my personal goals 
    4. I don’t like the way [name] makes me feel and I’m moving on to something better
    5. If it doesn’t feel good to me, it doesn’t serve me - thank you, next
    6. I know that [name] loves and desires me
    7. I know that [name] will always be there for me and I deserve that love
    8. It’s completely healthy that I depend on my partner 
    9. I know that [name] supports me and is there for me
    10. I deserve to have all of my needs met 

    How to Heal An Anxious Attachment Style

    If you're struggling with an anxious attachment style and need a little more help; our self therapy journal How to Heal an Anxious Attachment Style teaches you about your attachment style and how you develoepd it.

    It's a shadow work journal so it takes you through prompts that help you to access parts of the subconscious brain that store your memories and trauma to ultimately help you heal. You'll learn affirmations which help to rewire your brain and take steps toward a secure attachment style.

    Check it out

    Final Thoughts

    Practicing affirmations to overcome your anxious attachment style is a powerful way to heal and strengthen your relationships. By feeding the subconscious mind new messaging you're creating new neural pathways. Try to practice your chosen affirmations for at least 30 days to see results. When you suffer from this kind of anxiety you can place a lot of pressure on yourself and your relationship; please be kind to yourself and understand that your feelings are valid and that you're not alone.

    Post Tags

    Author Bio

    I wanted to share the lessons I've learnt in a cool place and write in a way that appeals to all generations. I cover all things neuroscience, psychology and spirituality with a special interest in pop culture trends.