How Awareness Helps Heal Your Attachment Style

Awareness is kind of like a flashlight in the pitch dark. When it comes to struggling with attachment style issues, awareness of which attachment style you have and how it manifested is the first step toward healing. That moment of "oh, I see what's going on here," is the beginning of transformation.

_{What are Attachment Styles?}

Now, before we go charging into the fray, let's unpack what we mean by "attachment style." In the simplest terms, an attachment style is how we approach and respond to intimate relationships

Secure Attachment: This attachment style stems from having emotional needs met consistently in early life. People with this attachment style feel secure in their relationships. They are comfortable with intimacy, not overly worried or stressed about their relationships, and they have a positive view of themselves and their partners. They maintain a healthy balance between dependence and independence.

Anxious Attachment: People with this attachment style often fear abandonment and rejection. They can become overly dependent on their partners for reassurance, sometimes leading to behaviors that are considered needy or clingy. They might constantly seek signs of approval or reassurance from their partners, feeling anxious and insecure when they don't receive them. For example, they might feel extremely anxious if a partner doesn't immediately respond to a text or call.

Avoidant Attachment: For those with avoidant attachment style, self-reliance is more valued than relationship intimacy. This could be because their early life experiences taught them to suppress their feelings, not to rely on others, or that their needs are unimportant. They often appear emotionally distant and may find it difficult to open up in relationships. This could show up as focusing excessively on work or hobbies, or avoiding deep, emotional conversations.

Fearful Avoidant Attachment: This style is characterized by a desire for intimacy, yet feeling uncomfortable when they get close to others. These individuals often have a fear of abandonment as well as a fear of being too close. They might be unpredictable in relationships, showing up as available and supportive at one moment, and distant and aloof the next, leading to a confusing and unstable relationship dynamic.

_{The Roots of Attachment Styles}

Attachment styles are largely influenced by early experiences with primary caregivers. While there's individual variation, most researchers agree that early relationships play a crucial role in the development of these styles. Here’s a more in-depth look at how each attachment style may develop:

Secure Attachment:

• Early Experience: As infants and children, those with secure attachment likely had caregivers who were responsive to their needs. These caregivers provided consistent love, comfort, and attention. The child learned that they could rely on their caregiver to be there for them.
• Development: Because their emotional needs were regularly met, these children developed a sense of trust and security. They grew up believing that the world is generally safe, and that they were worthy of love and attention.

Anxious Attachment:

• Early Experience: These individuals often had caregivers who were inconsistent in their responses. At times, the caregiver might have been very attentive and responsive, while at other times, they might have been inattentive or dismissive.
• Development: This inconsistency creates confusion. The child becomes preoccupied with trying to get their caregiver’s attention, never really sure what type of response they'll get. They might have felt that they had to act in a certain way to receive love, leading to anxiety and preoccupation about relationships later in life.

Avoidant Attachment:

• Early Experience: Avoidantly attached individuals often had caregivers who were emotionally unavailable or even neglectful. These caregivers discouraged the expression of needs and might have ignored or dismissed their child’s emotions.
• Development: Over time, the child learns to suppress their needs and emotions, understanding that displaying them won’t get them the care or comfort they desire. They come to value self-reliance over interdependence, preferring to keep an emotional distance from others.

Fearful Avoidant Attachment:

• Early Experience: This style often arises from traumatic or highly unstable childhood environments. Caregivers might have been abusive, suffered from mental health issues, or there might have been significant losses or separations in early life.
• Development: As a result, the child becomes conflicted about relationships. They desire closeness and intimacy because it's a basic human need, but they also associate these close relationships with pain, confusion, or betrayal. This leads to the push-pull behavior in relationships, wanting intimacy but being afraid of getting too close.

It's essential to remember that while early experiences play a significant role in attachment development, they're not deterministic. Various factors, including later life experiences, therapy, and personal growth, can influence and alter attachment patterns as people age.

_{How Awareness Helps Heal Your Attachment Style}

Awareness is often said to be the first step toward healing, and for a good reason. You can't change what you don't acknowledge. In terms of attachment styles, awareness means recognizing and understanding the patterns you tend to follow in relationships.

This includes both your behaviors and your reactions to others' behaviors. It's about observing how your past experiences might be influencing your current actions and expectations in relationships.

With awareness, you start to see why you react the way you do, why certain patterns repeat, and why certain types of relationships feel so familiar. This understanding gives you a platform from which to enact change.

Instead of being trapped in repeating patterns, awareness gives you a choice.

_{How to Heal Your Attachment Style}

You've done the first step - you're aware of your attachment style and that's a big deal. Now the process gets a little trickier. Traditional therapy is very helpful to delve down attachment style healing. You can do a number of techniques like meditation, journaling or breathwork. Our self therapy journals "Heal Your Attachment Style Trilogy" which includes a specific journal for anxious, avoidant and fearful avoidant attachment styles.

Our minds are like icebergs; what we see on the surface is just a fraction of what lies beneath. The subconscious mind, much like the submerged part of an iceberg, is where our deeply ingrained beliefs, patterns, and instincts reside. Rooted in our early life experiences, these elements shape our behaviors, reactions, and even the choices we make as adults.

The trilogy taps into this vast, less-explored subconscious realm, using the principles of shadow work. Coined by Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung, shadow work involves exploring and acknowledging the parts of our psyche that we often hide, deny, or suppress. By guiding you through introspective shadow work journal prompts, each journal helps you confront these hidden aspects, fostering a deeper understanding of yourself and your attachment style.

In addition to this deep dive into your subconscious, the trilogy incorporates powerful affirmations designed to help reprogram these subconscious patterns. Affirmations are positive statements that, when repeated consistently, can help us create a more positive self-perception and outlook. Think of them as a gardener's seeds - planted in the fertile soil of your subconscious mind, they gradually take root, blooming into healthier emotional habits and relationship dynamics.

By amalgamating the transformative powers of shadow work and positive affirmations, the "Heal Your Attachment Style Trilogy" takes you on a deep journey within. Here, you get to shed light on your shadows, replace limiting beliefs, and plant seeds of positivity and healing - all contributing to a healthier, secure attachment style.

_{Final Thoughts}

The path to healing our attachment styles starts with awareness. Becoming aware of our behaviors, patterns, and emotional responses is the very first and pivotal step towards making meaningful changes in our lives.

As we peel back the layers of our subconscious through tools like shadow work, we can begin to understand and transform our attachment styles, moving towards healthier and more fulfilling relationships.