How to Stick to the No Contact Rule

Breakups can be emotionally challenging, leaving us feeling lost and unsure of how to move forward. One of the most difficult things to take on during this time is - the no contact rule. While it can feel impossible, the no contact rule can lead to healing and gaining clarity.

We'll get into the no contact rule, explore why it can be effective, and provide you with a list of 10 things to practice during this transformative period of self-discovery.

    What is the No Contact Rule?

    The no contact rule is a self-imposed strategy that involves cutting off all communication with your former romantic partner after a breakup. It is a deliberate and purposeful decision to create space and distance between both parties, allowing for personal growth, emotional healing, and a fresh perspective on the relationship.

    By abstaining from contact, you create an environment where you can focus on yourself without the immediate presence of your ex-partner, enabling a more objective evaluation of the relationship and your own emotions.

    Why Does the No Contact Rule Work?

    Here's why you should do the no contact rule. Firstly, it provides a much-needed opportunity for emotional healing. After a breakup, it's natural to experience a range of intense emotions such as sadness, anger, and confusion. The no contact rule allows these emotions to be processed without the added complications of continued communication, which can often prolong the healing process.

    The no contact rule breaks the cycle of constant reminders and triggers associated with the ex-partner. By eliminating contact, you give yourself a chance to establish new routines and adjust to life without them. This break from reminders helps in gradually detaching emotionally, gaining clarity, and ultimately moving forward.

    The no contact rule allows you to regain your independence and rebuild their sense of self outside of the relationship. It encourages personal growth, self-reflection, and the exploration of your interests and goals. By investing time and energy into personal development, you emerge from the no contact period as a stronger, more self-assured individual.

    It's SO difficult, but you can do it.

    What to Do During No Contact

    1. Prioritize self-care:

    Taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being is essential during this time of healing. Consider the following self-care practices:

    • Engage in regular exercise to boost your mood, increase energy levels, and reduce stress.
    • Practice self-compassion by giving yourself permission to rest, setting boundaries, and treating yourself with kindness.
    • Explore relaxation techniques such as deep breathing exercises, mindfulness meditation, or taking soothing baths.

    2. Stop Checking their Social Media

    Continually checking your ex-partner's social media can hinder the healing process and prolong emotional distress. By refraining from checking their social media profiles, you can create a healthier space for personal growth and moving forward. Consider the following points:

    • Unfollow or mute their profiles: Take the necessary step of unfollowing or muting your ex-partner's social media profiles. This action reduces the temptation to check their updates and minimizes exposure to triggers that may reopen wounds or ignite unresolved emotions.
    • Remove shortcuts and reminders: Delete any shortcuts or bookmarks that lead directly to your ex-partner's social media profiles. Removing these reminders can help break the habit of impulsively checking their accounts.
    • Create digital boundaries: Establish personal rules and boundaries regarding social media usage. For example, set designated times or specific days when you completely abstain from checking their profiles.

    3. Stop Waiting for a Text or Call

    Constantly anticipating a message or call from your ex-partner can prolong the healing process and keep you emotionally attached. By letting go of this expectation, you can focus on your own well-being and personal growth. Consider the following points:

    • Shift your mindset: Recognize that waiting for a text or call can lead to unnecessary emotional distress. Embrace the idea that your well-being and happiness should not depend on external validation or communication from your ex-partner.
    • Accept the situation: Acknowledge that the relationship has ended and that the no contact period is a time for self-reflection and personal healing. Understand that seeking validation or closure through continued contact may hinder your progress.
    • Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself and remind yourself that healing takes time. Instead of fixating on their potential contact, focus on nurturing your own emotional well-being, self-care, and personal growth.

    4. Seek support:

    Going through a breakup can be emotionally challenging, so it's important to reach out to trusted people who can provide support and understanding. Consider the following support-seeking practices:

    • Reach out to trusted friends or family members who can provide a listening ear and emotional support during this challenging time.
    • Consider joining support groups or online communities where you can connect with others who have gone through similar experiences.
    • Seek professional help if needed, such as seeing a therapist or counselor who specializes in relationships and breakups.

    5. Reflect on the relationship:

    Reflection and introspection can help you gain valuable insights and grow from the breakup. Take time to reflect on the following aspects of the relationship:

    • Journal about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences related to the relationship, allowing yourself to process emotions and gain clarity.
    • Identify patterns or dynamics that may have contributed to the breakup, and consider how you can learn and grow from them.
    • Reflect on your own needs, values, and aspirations to better understand what you desire in future relationships.

    6. Practice mindfulness:

    Cultivating mindfulness can help you stay grounded and present during the healing process. Consider the following practices:

    • Engage in daily meditation or mindfulness exercises to enhance self-awareness and reduce stress.
    • Practice deep breathing techniques to promote relaxation and calmness in moments of distress.
    • Engage in activities that bring you joy and fully immerse yourself in the present moment, such as mindful walks or savoring a favorite meal.

    7. Focus on personal development:

    Utilize this time to invest in your personal growth and development. Consider the following practices:

    • Read books on personal development, psychology, or self-help to gain insights and expand your knowledge.
    • Take online courses or attend workshops related to your interests or areas of growth.
    • Seek out mentors or role models who inspire you and can provide guidance on your personal development journey.

    8. Stop Fantasizing about them

    Allowing your mind to indulge in fantasies about chance encounters or future conversations with your ex-partner can keep you emotionally attached and hinder the healing process. By letting go of these fantasies, you can focus on your own growth and create space for healing. Consider the following points:

    • Recognize the unhelpful nature of fantasies: Understand that fantasizing about running into your ex-partner or future conversations can perpetuate attachment and prevent you from fully moving on. Acknowledge that these fantasies may not align with the reality of the situation.
    • Practice mindfulness and redirect your thoughts: When you catch yourself drifting into fantasies, gently bring your focus back to the present moment. Engage in mindfulness techniques such as deep breathing or grounding exercises to stay grounded in reality.
    • Release attachment to outcomes: Let go of the need to control or manipulate future interactions. Accept that the future is uncertain and that healing and personal growth should be your main focus. Embrace the idea that your well-being is not dependent on any specific encounter or conversation.

    9. Embrace solitude:

    Journaling can be a powerful tool for self-reflection, emotional processing, and gaining clarity. Consider the following practices:

    • Write freely in a journal, expressing your thoughts, emotions, and experiences related to the breakup and your personal growth.
    • Use journal prompts to explore specific aspects of your healing journey, such as forgiveness, gratitude, or self-discovery.
    • Reflect on your progress over time by revisiting previous journal entries and observing patterns or shifts in your mindset.

    10. Build a support network:

    Surrounding yourself with a supportive community can provide comfort and encouragement during this time. Consider the following practices:

    • Seek out local or online support groups where you can connect with others who have experienced similar breakups and share insights and support.
    • Participate in social or hobby-related groups and activities that align with your interests, providing opportunities to meet new people and build connections.
    • Foster meaningful relationships with individuals who uplift and inspire you, creating a network of support beyond the breakup.

    Remember, these are just examples, and you can tailor the activities to your specific interests and needs. The goal is to focus on self-care, personal growth, and building a strong foundation for your future. Use this time to rediscover yourself, heal, and lay the groundwork for a brighter and more fulfilling future.

    How Long to Do the No Contact Rule

    The duration of the no contact rule can vary depending on your circumstances and the nature of the relationship. While there is no fixed timeline, it is commonly recommended to implement the no contact rule for a minimum of 30 days (sorry we know that's hard!)

    During this initial period, you can focus on their own healing, personal growth, and gaining clarity. It allows for a significant amount of time and space to process emotions, detach from the relationship dynamics, and gain a clearer perspective on the situation.

    However, it's important to note that the length of the no contact rule can be influenced by factors such as the length and intensity of the relationship, the reasons for the breakup, and the level of emotional attachment. In some cases, you may find it beneficial to extend the no contact period beyond 30 days or even several months.

    How to Get Over a Break Up

    If you're still struggling to go no contact, journaling can help. Our self therapy journal How to Get Over a Break Up will take you on a journey to help you heal. It can be quite emotionally taxing so we recommend doing this when ready as you'll be given interactive journal prompts that explore: 

    • Chilhood Reflection
    • Grieving the Relationship
    • Reflecting on the Relationship
    • Focusing on Personal Growth
    • Visualizing the Future

    Final Thoughts

    The no contact rule can be a transformative period that empowers individuals to heal, grow, and move forward after a breakup. By implementing the no contact rule and practicing self-care, reflection, and personal development, individuals can emerge stronger, more self-aware, and ready to embrace new opportunities.

    Remember, everyone's journey is unique, and it's important to tailor these practices to your specific needs and circumstances. Through the no contact rule, you have the chance to reclaim your life, rediscover your identity, and embark on a path of self-discovery and personal fulfillment. Embrace this period as an opportunity for healing and growth, and with time, you'll find yourself moving forward with renewed strength and resilience.

    If you'd like to explore our self therapy journal you can visit our Etsy store here.

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    I wanted to share the lessons I've learnt in a cool place and write in a way that appeals to all generations. I cover all things neuroscience, psychology and spirituality with a special interest in pop culture trends.